Once Upon? A Time, The Catholic Church Decided That Beavers Were Fish

From time to time, politicians and other rulers-of-men like to categorize the natural world not according to biology, but rather for convenience or monetary gain. Take, for example, the tomato. The progenitor of ketchup is a seed-bearing structure that grows from the flowering part of a plant. It is, by definition, a fruit.
Submitted by chapstick at 2017-04-28 3:31am to the Food forum.

Guitarist sues to stop use of Jefferson Starship band name

"We retired the name in 1985 and we agreed that nobody would use the name again. For this band line-up to tour and call itself Jefferson Starship is woefully misleading to the public and confuses longtime fans."
Submitted by Tingleberries at 2017-04-28 2:32am to the Music forum.

New website offers US women help to perform their own abortions

Doctor: “It’s a very safe and effective medication. If women have information about how to use it, then women can safely use it on their own.”

President of National Right to Alice Committee: “Who are they supposed to call if they have a problem?”
Submitted by Tingleberries at 2017-04-28 2:17am to the Education forum.

Australian far-right candidate quits after photo emerges of him saluting swastika carved into his lawn

A candidate for an Australian far right party has withdrawn from the race after a photo emerged of him performing a Nazi salute above a swastika cut into his lawn and revelations that he had threatened a former employee.

Mark Ellis, who was standing for the anti-immigrant One Nation party in the Queensland state election, said he had been forced to quit because of threats to his family and “pathetic haters”.
Submitted by Double The Fist at 2017-04-28 2:02am to the Politics forum.

She re-created a medieval trail in Germany, drawing thousands of hikers

Walking Zeiher’s pilgrimage route helped Gert and Andrea Kleinsteuber of Schkeuditz, a village near Leipzig, overcome the loss they felt after Germany’s reunification. In the old East Germany, they’d been convinced socialist citizens, and when the Berlin Wall fell, it was also their beliefs, their lives, that shattered. They longed for the community feeling that the old system had given them.
Submitted by Tingleberries at 2017-04-28 2:01am to the The World forum.

Off-duty security instructor pepper-sprayed autistic man for eating free cookies.

According to an incident report, in early March, Knutsen was a customer at a Cub Foods at 1201 Larpenteur Ave., when he saw a man eating “a doughnut or a cookie” from the bakery. He told an employee at the store’s service desk, but she said she didn’t see it and there was nothing she could do.

“(Knutsen) was not satisfied with her response,” the complaint stated. He asked to speak to the store’s loss-prevention personnel — people he later claimed he was responsible for ...
Submitted by Your_Goddamn_Honey at 2017-04-28 1:52am to the Crime forum.

Barrett Brown Arrested for the Most Ridiculous Reason Ever

Looks like we won’t be getting a City Council report from Barrett Brown anytime soon. This morning he was arrested. After being called in to his halfway house for a drug test, the good folks from the Bureau of Prisons showed up and arrested him. What for? Are you ready for this? They arrested him for giving interviews. Barrett’s mom, with whom he’d been living under home confinement, sends the following note:
Submitted by MaulLove at 2017-04-28 1:49am to the Crime forum.

Purdue acquires for-profit Kaplan University

Purdue University said Thursday it has acquired for-profit Kaplan University to extend its reach into online and adult education, an unusual move for a public institution.

“None of us knows how fast or in what direction online higher education will evolve, but we know its role will grow, and we intend that Purdue be positioned to be a leader as that happens,” Purdue President Mitch Daniels said in a statement. “A careful analysis made it clear that we are very ill-equipped to build the ...
Submitted by Lurchi at 2017-04-27 22:55pm to the Education forum.

A cross-circulated bicephalic model of head transplantation.

A successful cephalosomatic anastomosis ("head transplant") requires, among others, the ability to control long-term immune rejection and avoidance of ischemic events during the head transference phase. We developed a bicephalic model of head transplantation to study these aspects
Submitted by Tingleberries at 2017-04-27 23:41pm to the Science forum.

Silicon Valley security robot beat up by parking lot hero, police say

A 41-year-old Mountain View man has been arrested in connection to the alleged parking-lot altercation with the Knightscope-made droid. The accused robo-assailant, who faces charges of prowling and public intoxication, was identified as Jason Sylvain. The robot suffered minor scratches and is back on duty following last week's incident, which was first reported Tuesday by ABC7 News.
Submitted by Late Night Love Visit from Panoptical Goat Satan at 2017-04-27 20:06pm to the Crime forum.

United Airlines settles with Dr. David Dao, the passenger dragged from a plane

United Airlines has settled with Dr. David Dao over the injuries he received when he was dragged off one of the airline’s planes earlier this month, Dao's attorneys announced Thursday.

Under the terms reached by the airline and Dao, the amount of the settlement will remain confidential, according to the lawyers.
Submitted by Xiphias at 2017-04-27 20:00pm to the The Economy forum.

Clippy’s Designer Wants to Know Who Got Clippy Pregnant

I've seen pregnant Clippys, suicide Clippys, things like that. But to take him and, first of all, there's no volume in a paper clip, and to use the paper to make him pregnant... The fact that I've always considered Clippy a male... How did he get pregnant? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Who got him pregnant? How is this possible?
Submitted by Tingleberries at 2017-04-27 19:03pm to the Off Topic News forum.

The Clinton Comedy of Errors

Yet reexamining the forces that led to Donald Trump’s defeat of Hillary Clinton is essential for understanding how to prevent a similar result from occurring again. What this does mean is that the most useful examinations of the 2016 race are those conducted with an eye toward drawing lessons. Divvying up responsibility is not a worthwhile exercise for its own sake, and only needs to be done insofar as figuring out causes is a way of preventing future effects.
Submitted by nocash at 2017-04-27 15:58pm to the Politics forum.

Trump Administration Creates Crime Hotline to Report Aliens, Immediately Gets Trolled

Less than a day into its pitiful existence, the VOICE hotline has been rendered unusable by tipsters claiming to have seen criminal aliens of the extraterrestrial kind. I called four times. Twice all operators were unavailable. The other two attempts resulted in a busy signal. Other concerned citizens seeking to report a mothership streaking across the sky were told the line was closed despite calling during normal business hours.
Submitted by nocash at 2017-04-27 16:25pm to the Politics forum.

We're Living in the Era of the Hypocritical 'Feminist' Boss

With the rising popularity and visibility of feminism in pop culture—and the movement's increasing lucrativeness—the narrative featured in Girlboss has become fairly widespread. Increasingly, we're hearing celebratory stories about women rising to corporate power by branding themselves and their companies as feminist, and framing both their products and their workplaces as hubs for empowerment and progressive values. But, as several high profile-scandals in recent months have shown, the ...
Submitted by revdrew at 2017-04-27 16:03pm to the The Economy forum.

Trekker found after surviving 47 days lost in Himalayas

“He woke up after he heard us. We were very surprised to find him alive. He said that the girl died three days earlier.”

Basnyat said that the couple, who were found near Tipling in northern Dhading, had followed a river downhill in the hope of finding a village but became stuck when they reached the edge of a waterfall and were unable to climb back up.
Submitted by Tingleberries at 2017-04-27 2:47am to the The World forum.

Lawmaker exposed as creator of misogynistic 'Red Pill' internet forum vows to remain in office and 'stand strong for men's rights'

A Republican state lawmaker accused of creating a misogynistic online forum is resisting calls for his resignation and says he will 'stand strong for men's rights.'

'Here's my message to the public: I am not disappearing. I will continue to stand strong for men's rights and the rights of all,' Fisher said in a statement released Tuesday night
Submitted by Double The Fist at 2017-04-27 0:06am to the Politics forum.

Frontrunner in race to lead Canada's Conservative party drops out two days before 1st ballot

Get a load of this shithead
Submitted by Disruptive Emotional-Support Pig at 2017-04-26 22:52pm to the Politics forum.

Alien enthusiast mysteriously disappears leaving behind locked code-covered room and statue of 16th-Century philosopher who predicted extraterrestrial life

A student has mysteriously disappeared in Brazil, leaving behind a locked room covered in code and a £2,000 statue of a 16th-century alien hunter.

Alien enthusiast Bruno Borges, 24, reportedly vanished from his family home in Brazil last Monday while working on a secretive project.

The psychology student's disappearance has sparked worldwide interest - with many believing he's been abducted by aliens - after a bizarre video of the inside of his bedroom was leaked online.

Borges appears to ...
Submitted by Xiphias at 2017-04-26 21:32pm to the Horseshit! forum.

Donald Trump presses a red button on his desk and a butler brings him a Coke

Mr Trump has a special wooden box on his desk in the Oval Office of the White House containing a single button which he has been using to order glasses of Coca-Cola.
Submitted by Castor_Fiber at 2017-04-26 21:26pm to the Food forum.